Routier Crawft's Diary

Subject: Routier Crawft's Diary 1/29/2014, 4:33 am

My first week in the camp was weird, but was surely an enjoyable one, I've gotten along with most of the residents, although the Komali cat...girl thing is surely the weirdest and hardest to approach. Reiko doesn't seem to mind all the minor mistakes I make, although she scorned me for using up most of the camps materials whenever I got way into smithing a giant pile of unnecessary weapons. Shizue seems to not know what falling love means, only taking a week to get attached to Reiko, whom seems to be falling in love with her back, it's all going so fast! With the information Trace has apparently told us, I really want to get back to my world and save my love from that tragedy that still brings me nightmares, to this day I still can't believe that something like that would actually happen to ME, out of all people. I've recently had issues with my sleepwalking and ended up in Valinea's bed, and she almost suffocated me for it ;-; , so I talked to Reiko in the watch tower about the issue and ironically, she suggested I sleep with Valinea, but actually ask her this time. Being as nervous as I've never been before, I walked up to the tent and asked her, she of course denied sleeping with me, but allowed me to sleep in the same tent as her to see if that would still help the problem. Later that day, Valinea caught me looking over the pile of weapons, questioning what kind of weapon I should be using to better the gathering runs, and she suggested, get this, a SHIELD. A knight of her caliber said I was worthy enough to bear a shield! After being explained how useful even a wooden shield is she told me I should be using a lance! I feel like a knight just from her telling me that! Afterwards she taught me about form and stance with the lance and shield and she even came at me with a small sword, I managed to deflect it barely but holy crap that was a lot of force, I couldn't imagine if she was using the giant axe I made her, it's best not to think about being on the other end of that...

Routier~
1/29/2014

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 2/3/2014, 5:21 am

I know it may be a little early for another entry, but it's been a pretty emotional week for me already and I wanted somewhere to store all these feelings, I've decided to make a list of all my friends and what they mean to me to look back on in the future~

Reiko- At first I was a clumsy idiot around her and didn't really watch myself around her thinking she was just another girl like me, but she was special, she had the aura about her that just just made me fall in love with her, she's so cool and smart, and she reminds me so much of my boyfriend from before I died, I may have fallen in love with her already, but with Shizue always sleeping with her and latching onto her, I was too late, she already fell in love with her within the first week and I was too damn late, why, why did I wait, was "taking it slow" null and void here? Did I even have a chance, do I have a chance? All these conflicting emotions in my head are driving me so insane I may lose it...she's just like him in almost every way...she has to love me, forgive me Shizue...

Valinea: She's just the most amazing person ever and I get to even sleep in the same tent as her! She's been giving me lessons on how to defend myself and I think they're working, I barely get scratched during combat! I remember when we were training and I sorta knocked myself out, I know she carried me to the tent and took care of me like a mother, I think I might've been dreaming but I swear she reminded me of my mom. I hope to never have to leave Val's side, even if it means dying along the way.

Illium: It was a pretty hectic week with him, we talk about our lives and what we went through, but the other day he shot me in the leg because he was annoyed with me?! I've never felt such intense pain since that fateful day I was stabbed to death... Luckily with some healing potion it was all better. After that it might have been a side effect of the potion, but I absolutely went berserk and almost lost myself, but Reiko saved me from myself. With the help of Val I worked up the courage to stand up to him and ask for an apology, he was wary at first pointing his gun at me almost point blank, but I was able to get to him and we shared a bonding moment~ Maybe there's some hope for the two of us to become more than friends~

Shizue: I know she's not a bad person at all and she had a rough life, but from day one she's been pressuring Reiko into a relationship, sleeping with her on day one! There's something I don't know about her and I want to find out what, but all I want is my Reiko, I must have my Reiko even if Shizue has to disappear, I'm so sorry...

Nacht: The guy who became a girl huh, she was pretty sweet and she helped me learn more about what I could smith by helping me gather, we held hands and I didn't mind, so maybe we have some connection? This was all on our first day meeting each other, maybe it's the fact she was a guy that eases me, although I don't mind either way.

Lionel: All I can say about him is he's amazing~ He's like the dad I never had, telling me I can do things on my own, that I don't need to cling to anyone to be useful to the town, he's even using the giant sword I made so that makes me feel even better~ We talked and apparently he's in love with Val!? If they do somehow get together and live happily ever after, will I be forgotten by both of them? Will I be the only one not living happily ever after? Will I lose the mom and dad I never had?

It's been a very conflicting week, I still haven't found my purpose here yet, but as Reiko told me I'll find it eventually, I just need to train harder! So please, whatever my purpose is, let me find it soon or I may lose everything!

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 2/6/2014, 2:54 am

I....I don't know what to do, I never do I had this monster inside of me, I can't tell if it's emotional stress, or am I just a bad person? I've never had to deal with these things before! I...I love Reiko still, and maybe I'm starting to love Shizue too, maybe I don't want her to disappear, I just want them both to be happy....with me... It took Trace visiting me to realize what a monster I was, I...I don't know anymore, the only thing still keeping my feelings suppressed is Val's amazing tea, I just want someone to love me, forgive me, I know you wouldn't like to see me like this, but I've lost all hope of ever seeing you again and I want to move on and forget... Please Routier, stay strong.

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 2/10/2014, 5:09 am

It's been a while since I've wrote in you, so many things have happened since then, I've never been so happy in my life, even after all that I put everyone through. Reiko and Shizue...love me, and I love them...that's all that matters to me right now, I'll protect them with everything I've got! This world has shown me happiness without him...if he really is gone...I hope he's watching over me. We finally reached the first sanctuary we were supposed to go to, to save this world, we faced many perils and fought our way to it, and at the end was this insanely powerful upset...it showed my how weak I still am, how I still can't protect them from something like that. I have to become stronger, I just have to, for both of them!

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 2/17/2014, 6:35 am

Today...I finally said goodbye to the other me...she was getting reckless and endangering everyone in town along with getting myself killed! Reiko, Shiuze, and Minh all helped me conquer my fear of being alone to think for myself, so we can all enjoy a little peace for once~ Reiko...Shizue...thank you...for believing in me.

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 2/24/2014, 12:15 am

So I learned more about Val and the path of becoming a knight is a dark one, Lionel told me the same thing. Making everyone new weapons was nice though~ I've also decided...I want to become a maid, not like a servant or anything, just to help Shira tidy around the camp, her eyes were so empty that she needs the help and company. (and the outfit is super comfortable)

Today started out as a perfect day...then Komali was trying to seduce Shizue right in front of me! She left but then Komali kept taunting me and I lost it and slapped her! I still don't regret it, she still acts like a little immature girl. Shizue wasn't happy with it though...she may be done with me...I tried my best Reiko...I really did...I...just wasn't good enough...I will not leave your side Reiko, I promised my everything to you and I won't back down!

I'm...

sorry Shizue... (the rest of the page seems to be soaked from tears)

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 3/7/2014, 6:09 am

It's been another long while since I wrote in you, a lot has changed about me since last time, I've gained control of my emotions(to a point) and have become the person whom I idolize the most, Valinea's squire. I'm hoping we get some serious training in, although I'm getting the hang of this "shielding everyone" business, no one is getting seriously hurt when I head out to the zones with them...the magic is still a problem though.

Things with Shizue are still not looking so great, and I keep telling Reiko I need to confront her...I don't want you to be stressed Reiko, I want us all to just live happily ever after...

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 3/17/2014, 2:37 am

It's me again, I feel as though I'm obligated to write in you as usual, it seems the relationship with Shizue and I can be looked at as "Best Friends" at most, it's sort of disappointing we couldn't make the 3 way relationship work out, but I don't want to force her to love me back like Reiko does. I do hope to make this relationship work out regardless, I still don't know what I would do without her...

The nightmares have been coming back ever since the day I slapped Komali... Always the wedding, then the beach, and then Reiko's body covered in blood in my arms, I hope to talk with Minh about this sometime soon, I wake up sweating and panting and it seems like a really bad omen to be having these constantly...

Komali seems to be more bipolar than I was, first she's the sweetest girl ever, then she's a complete bitch who needs yet another slap to the face, saying my relationship with Reiko is not as good as hers! We're going to have a serious talk sometime!

Other than these issues, the snow is pretty fun, although there were problems with it melting around my hands before making a snowball, Averia's gloves fixed that problem and I enjoyed a snowball fight with everyone~

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 3/24/2014, 6:01 am

We did it! We beat the second giant upset and I managed to protect Reiko this time and the battle went a lot better than the last one! This week has been one of the most enjoyable ones by far~ Becoming friends with Komali finally, helping her with her wedding, and attending said wedding as a flower girl! It's nice to see those two happy together...maybe one day it will be Reiko and I up there getting married~

I think I had too much to drink though...I don't remember much but when I came to I was taking Lionel back to his place to get some rest, he must've been so drunk hehe~

I finally got the date with Reiko I wanted, and it was amazing! Although the pain was unbearable from the wings sprouting out of my back, I got the hang of em and took her for a trip around the town~ I learned a lot more about her and got to tell her about me, she's pretty down to earth like I am, just being a normal girl and all compared to the others. I seriously wish I could've helped her out in her world, it irks me, but it's not too much to worry about. The end of the date was intense on the rooftop, who woulda known we would ever do it up there~ Anyways that it for this week, I hope the next one is even better!

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 3/31/2014, 5:02 am

*The page starts with lazy scribbling*

It's been such a lazy week, like I don't feel like doing anything, but I think everyone else is feeling the same too, besides Komali who's as active as ever, she seems to be picking up a bunch of habits from Illium, I don't like it but whatever keeps her happy is ok I guess. I just have to make sure she doesn't end up shooting someone again, even though death isn't a thing here, pain does, and so does seeing someone in pain...

Even if everyone just puts off death as if it were nothing...I can't stand seeing someone in pain...it brings back memories of his face right before I died...if I ever saw that face on Reiko I'd never be able to live with myself. I am dedicating myself to protecting everyone from the upsets...and themselves.

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 4/13/2014, 10:29 pm

This week has been one of the best ones yet! I learned how to make more weapons for Lionel and Val~ They absolutely loved them! I feel like I really have a place being Val's squire and all! I'll be sure to make even better weapons for them in the future!

There's also the sword I made for Reiko! I put my heart and soul into that weapon and she absolutely loved it! The making out afterwards was totally worth it~

Then there were these weird zones with Reiko and Val...it seemed to be based on their actual lives rather than just memories...it was tough to watch but I helped them both through it and they've become better people because of it! I...just hope I don't have to face something like that...I don't know how I'll be able to handle it...I just hope Reiko is there to support me.

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 4/21/2014, 1:49 am

It's been another great week in town, Reiko is in high spirits, Shizue seems in a better mood than usual, and the town actually has laws now! I don't have to worry about everyone killing each other for no good reason anymore!

The thought of death...it's still a scary thing, it still hurts and it brings back terrible memories of that night, but I promised everyone I would protect them! I won't let anyone hurt them, even if I have to give up my life in the process! It may not be much, but I hope my life does have value to everyone! Maybe in this coming week I can prove to everyone just how much I want to protect them!

Reiko...Shizue...let's make this town a paradise~

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 4/28/2014, 3:43 am

So it was finally my turn, to face my struggle, it was...heart breaking, why would this world throw the love my of my life in front of me only to kill him and have HER face me, what makes this world do what it does, and who's all behind it? Whenever we do find out we will make him pay...Although Reiko and Shizue were both there for me...I really do love them both, and the fact they're willing to give me another chance after all I've done...

I can't let this second chance go to waste! For everyone, I'm no longer fighting just for myself, but for everyone else's sake! I want to continue being with Reiko and Shizue for the rest of my life, and I will show her that this will work out, no matter what I must sacrifice!

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 5/5/2014, 4:07 am

So this week was interesting, I tested out a new style of smithing for Val, Lionel, and I's weapons and they seem to be working out great, the metal used for them was weird but the're all enjoying them~ I also finally jumped back on my squire lessons, who knew I would have to learn manners all over again! Also the TV has kept my attention most of the time since Reiko is busy with modernizing the town and all that leader stuff, and then there's Shizue, she said on our date that she practices her fighting and cooking skills, maybe can relax more often together~

Speaking of the date Reiko set us up on one, I was a little nervous at first, but turns out Shizue had a pretty rough life, it was completely unfair the things that she went through, and the end result was horrible! We talked for a bit about our body changes and stuff like that, and...she even brought up leaving Reiko so the two of us could be together and I was not having that!

SHIZUE, YOU WILL NOT BE ANOTHER SAYANE, NEVER AGAIN YOU HEAR ME?! I LOVE YOU AND REIKO TOO MUCH TO HURT EITHER OF YOU EVER AGAIN!

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 5/12/2014, 4:58 am

Note to self: Pull Shizue away from the TV when needed!

It was a pretty busy week, but nothing too personal happened worth writing in here, we got to fly on the ship again which is always fun, visiting all the strange islands and discovering more clues about what the heck this world is. There's also the giant fish thing we had to fight, I've never been slapped around so much, I lost consciousness before it was beaten, though everyone pulled together! I feel like I'm becoming more useful every day, it's a really good feeling~ That's about it for now, I'm gonna be studying all the metals we have to see if I can smith up something new, so until then diary, see you later~

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 5/26/2014, 3:19 am

This week I realized a lot of things, how I was trying to be someone I'm not, trying to be someone who could protect Reiko and Shizue and no one else...a greedy cow...but I'm not going to be any of those things, and it took Reiko opening my eyes to what I really can be, just normal girl who can protect her friends~ I can just be me!

I do owe Lionel and Val...for ditching then...

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 6/2/2014, 6:18 am

This week was fun! Everyone finally got together and had a good time with some spin the bottle and alcohol~ Also my look is almost finished! I want to gets the girls together and teach them about all sorts of looks, and then try to get Val to make a runway for everyone...she can do that right?

I was also dumb enough to challenge the arena alone, and the bird guy at the end completely demolished me...maybe this technique requires a lot more practice...Shira sure made use of it...speaking of Shira she has this crazy dark side that I had no idea of up until now...I need to learn more about her and see what's up.

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 6/9/2014, 10:40 pm

You know, when you look at the big picture, what exactly is life in this world? Are we all just forming our own little circles that no one else may enter, or are we wanting to satisfy ourselves to no end, no matter the sacrifice? The ones we try to help shun us away sometimes, and I wonder if it's even worth it? I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I didn't have Reiko or Shizue, and I don't really like to think about it...I talked with a few people I don't think I'd ever get to talk to, Minh and Shira, they taught me a lot about what was possible in this world, how I should only help where help is want/needed, and more about the darknesses of this world...this may seem like a bit of a serious diary entry, but a girl just has to think sometimes doesn't she?

After all the this stress I didn't want to take it all out on Reiko and Shizue...so I made sure it was ok and relieved it all with Shira, she's so cute and she really knows what she's doing~ She let me indulge myself along with some other...things, but it's our eternal secret~

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 6/16/2014, 2:28 am

This week was really scary...I thought everything would end because everyone wanted the game to end and to return everyone to their worlds...I was afraid I was gonna lose Reiko and Shizue...afraid I would never see them again and sent back to the world that I no longer wish to back to...but everyone, being the assholes they are, tricked Vannoth and I into thinking so and I felt like a total idiot after that...I'm just glad they didn't want to hurt Trace because in the end...I owe her a lot, she set me on the right path to achieve the happiness I enjoy so much right now.

Note: Reiko owes me in bed. (Writing this here so I don't forget)

Subject: Re: Routier Crawft's Diary 7/2/2014, 6:37 am

NO, Thank You! I don’t need memories
Because I firmly and deeply love “now”
Getting immersed in my memories is a sweet, adult-like luxury
But not yet…I want to hold back from it

Just thought I'd write down an idea for another song...I really wanna hit my idol roots a bit more, it may be sudden, but this town needs a bit more livelyness, and I'm here to give that to everyone. If anyone has a problem with it, they can get a nice [Smite] to the face~ Maybe I'll make a song dedicated to Reiko and Shizue...In time

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