Lonely thoughts

Nacht walked alone away from the camp, her head hung low, feet almost dragging. She was leaving behind the commotion in town--something about a gunshot, she'd gathered--for quiet, and hopefully peace. She silently doubted it, however, as her mind was clouded in thought. She could clearly see the happy images of Komali and Illium in her head. They seemed like a happy couple from the way they interacted and spoke.
After walking a good distance, Nacht sat down in the dirt, blankly gazing down into her lap. "They sure seem happy together..."
She was still for a few moments before her eyes began tearing up, and she soon found streams of tears flowing down her cheeks, falling and splashing onto her legs. "God I miss you... Why'd I have to come to this place...? It's not that it's bad... There's just... No you..."


A hansome young cheetah suddenly appeared in her mind. She could remember everything about him: His grade-A smile that always seemed to beam from ear to ear; the warm, embracing, loving hugs he would give; his melodic and charming voice; his ever-caring eyes; his protective attitude...


"You never judged anyone else, you never showed disinterest..." She brought her paws infront of her and stared sollemnly into the palms. "So why... Why is it when I was alive, when I was that cute, femmish boy dog... When I was in my body... Why didn't I tell you I...?" She cursed herself for keeping the secret. "Why couldn't I ask you if you felt the same way... If you loved me from the bottom of your heart, just as I did... as I do... you...?"


A smile slowly formed across her lips and she looked up a bit. laughing to herself. "That's a silly question I'm asking myself... I know exactly why. I was afraid... Of hearing what I didn't want to. I was terrified, actually, of you not loving me the way I love you, of you thinking differently of me for it..." Her smile faded. "Of you leaving me alone... Just like... Everyone else who I told... Of you hating me..." Her tears slowly stopped falling and dried, and she brought her knees to her chest, hugging them. "You always seemed to like women more than men... And now that I am one, I'm... Dead. Gone. I'll never know if you liked me as I was, nor will I ever find out if you'd be able to love me now. I don't know how to get out of this place, if I even can." She thought nothing for a long while, before sighing. "What a cruel reality... Maybe... I'll eventually forget about you. Find someone here. More people seem to be coming every few days or so."  A thought suddenly crossed her mind, but she shook it off. "What am I even thinking... I don't want you to come, too... I don't want you to die too, as much as my heart is aching for you..."


Silently, she stared up at the sky, realizing how lonely she was. Thinking about this anymore wouldn't do her any good. She let her thoughts slowly fade...