[ An Angel's Thesis ]

Subject: [ An Angel's Thesis ] 3/25/2014, 11:48 pm

Hello.

I still have the power to generate Halo Sheets, so becoming a scribe for the events happening around me isn't difficult to do. I'm going to have to thank brother Metatron the next time I see him.

As my memory serves...which is..unusually hazy right now as I can recall His Holiness...and... creation and...suddenly...looking up at a sky. It's unusual, but I'm dealing with it. It appears, I've found myself in a new town. It doesn't seem very large and it's inhabited by a of of very colorful people.

The first time I entered it I.. was tackled by one of them. Her name is 'Komali' as she told me. And she's very..very energetic. So much that when showing me about the tow, I had to pet her to calm her down. she also asks a lot of questions and answered a few of mine. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she was a house cat in a past life..

I've also met Routier who's the blacksmith of the civilization.
She's a cow girl! In the literal sense, and not the western sense.

Valinea seems level headed. She explained a few things to me as well.
Which I feel I should write down along with what Komali told me.

-There are resources that must continuously be collected
This is to keep the civilization functioning as well as any civilization should.

-There is an enemy everyone is collectively working to defeat
I haven't encountered this enemy yet. But I have to take everyone's word for it. I don't know if I'm ready to fight them yet, but I'll try..

- Everyone here is Dead
This.. this doesn't make sense to me. I know Samael's world, and this doesn't feel like it. I also have a heart beat and a pulse. And I don't recall dying. I've always existed here. That's...that's right after all.. it.. it has to be right isn't it? But Komali has no reason to lie to me. ...maybe she's just confused or it's a dark humored joke..

- "Trace" is God
I didn't understand what Komali meant by this. But I'll explain that later...

Speaking about people there's Miss Tsuzune! She's so nice and considerate and easy for me to get along with! She's so adamant about her faith and it's incredible! She also gave me a spot to live in this new world in her shrine!

Perhaps I I shouldn't call it a spot. It's more like her floor and her wall. But she didn't mind. It's probably because I had to heal Sirocco because he roamed in hurt after they had some kind of fight. I can't believe they would even do so. And Sirocco is so stubborn. He had several broken ribs and after I helped carry him to a bed and tried to heal him, he still refused and tried walking out until it took a lengthy conversation to get him to understand. At least Miss Tsuzune is a lot more reasonable.

I just wish she didn't feel as if she had to worship me. That's a little embarrassing...

She's possibly the only one that's learned what I am. I didn't expect that reaction from her, but given her love of her faith, it really makes sense. I never thought I'd receive direct worship from anyone. I can't imagine what brother Metatron would say if he saw me. Of course how the found out was because we've met 'Trace' before the wedding Komali had. I really regret not going. I'm sure it was beautiful.

Now, Trace, is what I could tell instantly , the God of this world. Her wavelength is so different from everyone else, while similar to mine, I can't be wrong. I used to sit atop the watch tower of this and send out prayers to see if anyone would reply. I.. I didn't think she actually would.

I've never gotten to have many dialogues with God. But I got to speak with Her.
I've had so many questions to ask Her. But in Her presence, I didn't need to ask Her. Only ask a single question.

"What would make you happy in this world?"

And she answered me.

I've carried the prayers of creatures to God in various forms, but I never asked what He wanted himself.
I even got to rub her head. I.. I could never do that to God.

Lionel, another of the persons of this civilization asked me to go find someone, but I lost the ability to do so. I went back to the shrine, and Tsuzune's room and locked the door.

And I cried.

I couldn't come out of that room because I couldn't stop screaming and crying. In all my time of existence and throughout my memory, I've never had God give me such responsibility. Such trust for the world. And it was something so beautiful I didn't know to respond to it..without crying at the weight of it, and happy because it was there. I...didn't know a feeling was possible for me..

I couldn't find any strength to even move beyond that point. I think I passed out for 2 or 3 days after like a child throwing a tantrum that was everything but. I hope Miss Tsuzune isn't upset with me about that. I fear she might just worry..

I'm going to work hard for this world. For Her sake.

Because that's what Trace wants. That's what God..... what She wants...

Subject: Re: [ An Angel's Thesis ] 4/6/2014, 1:06 am

Not a lot has been happening lately. It's unusual, but not unwelcome.

Lately I’ve been roaming the town often. I haven’t been speaking to anyone, but that’s okay too. I’ve learned a lot more in silence than I could by word of mouth.

I’ve made a basic map of the town so I no longer get lost. Knowing where Miss Tsuzune’s shrine is has become helpful, though it’s not the only building in the town. It’s just where I’ve been sleeping and writing this. I’ve been spending more time atop the watch tower just observing. Perhaps it’s because I can’t remember the feeling of ‘being human’ so well, but the lives of these people are so...interesting to me. They all have hopes and aspirations, I'm sure. But I can't understand if there's some kind of common goal that drove them all to be here. I'm still trying to decipher this among many things.

Of the inhabitants of this town, who worries me the most is...Routier right now.

A while ago, I heard she drank a potion that gave her wings. From what I was told, the potion changes a person’s physiology to give them angel’s wings. ...why do people persist in doing things like that...

When I found her she was going through a type of withdrawn syndrome that the person who made the potion wasn’t familiar with it. I should have gotten his name. It wasn’t that Routier missed her wings. It’s what she put into them.

I’ve heard of...experiments like that. When people tried to harness the power of angels to prove their worth to other creatures, and signify their closeness to God. For angels, it’s their love of him and from him. Whenever angels are cast out of heaven...considered fallen...most lose their wings, or have the white color stripped from them...signifying the lack of love from God. That’s what most angels and other beings who have angelic wings feel like they lack upon losing them. Routier seemed... different.

Routier’s love for Reiko was what she had in her wings. And I think in losing them, she felt at that time like she lost Reiko’s love as well. It seemed correct when I began talking to her and telling her that she didn’t need her wings and that Reiko would still love her without them. ...I’ve felt I had this conversation before, but hers was unnerving.

I think...Routier’s love for Reiko exceeds her love of any type of God.

I don’t know how to further respond to that, but I’ll have to make sure that she doesn’t take another of those potions.

Speaking of God, it would seem as if Trace has sent multiple signals on how next to proceed. She’s also sent in a few tings she’s requested.

I don’t sew well enough to make a dress for Her. I’m not even worthy enough to make something She’d wear all the time. But...being able to make something for Her...

Perhaps I could make some paintings for Her. She also wants those.

And even though it isn’t her strongest one, I don’t currently have enough power to defeat one of Her guardians. Something that...I should be myself...

...I’m going to have to change that...

Subject: Re: [ An Angel's Thesis ] 4/14/2014, 12:46 am

This week was a bit more eventful. I've come to actually encounter a set of Upsets at the time this is being written. they seem to be abnormal masses of negative spirit that inhabit the realms outside of the town that can be accessed by the "Crystal Gate." I've began to learn teleporting into them as it would seem that my magical power is increasing.

The "Upsets" as they're called seem incommunicable. However, I've taken into note something very odd about them. Despite how strong they are, they aren't hostile until myself or anyone else within the town tries removing materials from the area they're in. While I was speaking with Miss Tsuzune and Sirocco, they stayed perpetually silent. Sure, they growled and roamed about as they do. But I'm estimating they won't react unless I disturb the surrounding materials of that area, thus giving them a reason to react to me and assert the use of violence.

I proved this to be true while roaming about the tiger male that never seems to appear within the town. Before leaving with the group I was with, I stayed behind for 10 seconds. I didn't move, and I noticed, neither did the Upsets. Perhaps this is true as the tiger seems to stay out in those area and is still 'alive.'

Perhaps I'll try to do the same. It seems as if it would gain more understanding of this world if I did. I may also learn the tiger's name...

As I write on this world, I've come to terms that everyone here is dead As abnormal as that is to believe, I'm being forced to accept it as truth. If I were to use what I know, this is a type of afterlife or second term life game. However, people die all the time. What is it that causes these particular individuals to end up within this game is something that currently alludes me. As it would have to be something I have in common with them in order for me to end up here as well. Trying to decipher this is difficult..

The other patrons of this town I've currently met are so young. There is Bey, the fox child I've come to speak with recently. She seems so young and I can't possibly imagine what cruel fate befell her to send her here. However, she's so energetic and lively for once who seemed to have died so young.

The second is Beatrix, the spider girl. She's refreshingly polite, and I see speaking to her will become rather easy in the future. I'm quite happy to have knowledge of this. It also makes me question what end could such a kind girl have met.

....The more I think about that, the more I pity those two so much...

As I speak on patrons of the town, I'm come across the person Komali calls the 'deer lord:" Ymir. From what it would seem, he's a manner of thief. I don't normally condone such actions, however, everyone here is 'dead.' Even he is aware that he only takes such actions to pass the time. I've asked him to make me a carrying case much like the one Miss Tsuzune has and he's agreed. He seems the sensible sort, yet doesn't appear to want to associate with crowds, having sat by the watch tower alone.

I've met Jonathan upon a materials gathering mission while out. I've spoken to him briefly, but he seems of the upbeat personality. I'll have to communicate with him more. Sirocco...I'm beginning to notice has a presence that the most of the patrons of the town seem to taking very lightly, if jokingly. He doesn't seem an unkind soul, just very unfortunate. It can only lead me to wonder if such misfortune followed him from his previous life.. that poor man.

Komali, I've noticed in battle....seems less energetic than usual. I'm under impression something is bothering her. While out on a gathering she seemed.. less focused than usual. I'll have to speak with her about that when I have the chance.

Finally... I have to write about someone I have met recently, The one who calls herself the 'leader of this town.'

...Reiko Yuikeida...

I suddenly....no longer feel the need to continue this. I have to understand more about this world. Yes. That's what matters the most right now...

Subject: [ Observantion/ Action 1 of 2 ] 5/4/2014, 3:20 pm

This entry is an experiment in progress. I've spoken to Travis more and it seems as if my conclusion about this world was correct.

Within the areas of this world that people create, people can stay there for as long as they wish, as long as they don't disturb the Upsets. It would appear that Travis has had this experience, coming to terms with a portion of his past that went unsettled. I'm happy for him, as the past is something most beings have the most painful times facing.

I'm currently trying to configure the 'rules' of this world. Travis seems to understand this also, and we've been able to speak upon a few questions that require answering.

- Why are we the ones who were chosen?

This is, after all, a world that needs to be saved. And it needs to be done through conflict and battle. Wouldn't the most obvious choice to be to bring in an army of soldiers? Why is it us? The ranks of this town rank from what I can see are ordinary person to children. And for the sake of this which has been dubbed 'A game.'

If this is some form of joke, I'm not amused..

- Who Is "Pathos Cardia?"
This being, as it seems has a name, is the creature that is antagonizing this world with the creatures known as "Upsets." Being created of negative feelings as told to me...but the negative feeling of the towns people and myself, or the being known as Pathos Cardia? These creatures do not attack unless the balance of their respective areas are disturbed, thus done by our gathering of materials.

- Can "Pathos Cardia" be reasoned with?

If this being is trying to destroy the world and overrun it with Upsets, there must be a reason why. Can it be spoken to? Contacted? Can this situation end without conflict? It there something Pathos Cardia wants, or has it be wronged in some way that needs to be rectified? If so...how do we do that?

- Who is the voice that Trace answers to?
This is the question that worries me the most. If Trace is meant to be the "Goddess" of this world... then who is it that she's answering to? She gets her information from this voice... is it God? If so, then is she like..me? Merely an envoy and Apostle? I can only wonder how Miss Tsuzune would take that..

That reminds me...I haven't spoken with Miss Tsuzune lately. I've been wandering the created areas so often, I've not been to the shrine in some time..

I have more questions than I have answers to, and it's ...vexing. We're all being told to save this world and fight these creatures... accept this responsibility without any understanding of why. Moreso, after being told everyone is dead. Even while I accept the task of saving this world, I want some understanding of why I must, there are men and women here who's lives were cut short and being told they have to uptake this task? That's simply cruelty. Moreso for the sake of a "game?"

How long has this game been going on? And who created such a thing in the first place?

I'm ending up with more questions. I have to receive answers. We could all be being deceived without realizing it until it's too late. I don't want to think of that, however, I can't rule it out as a possibility. It would appear I'll have to procure answers based upon what everyone else knows. And perhaps the world as they see it.

.....the world...as they see it.............

..That's it... that's what it has to be!!
That must be the answer!

I have an idea... it. it is up to chance, but I believe if this works, then I may gain more understanding of this world, as well as what that person needs to know... yes.. this.. may work. If that's how this 'game' works.. then that 'rule' can apply as well.. And even if it doesn't, then perhaps....

Yes.. this can work.....

...I have to find Routier....
[ An Angel's Thesis ] StarWing

Subject: What Was Learned And What Wasn't Answered 6/4/2014, 1:49 am

How long has it been since I wrote in this?

No. Let me restate that. ...how long has it been since I “needed” to write in this?
After all... after finding out how to “leave this game” for as long as I did, I can only wonder why I came back at all.

To return to this town and continue watching the inhabitants of that town continue a pilgrimage towards a goal that has little benefit of doing so...

After all, once Pathos Cardia is destroyed, then what?

For that matter, does Pathos Cardia even need to be destroyed?

No one really has the answers to these questions, and the one that does knows little that she’s able to speak about. And yet everyone is so blindly and obediently following on to these words and playing along. For a ‘second chance’ in this world.

“A second chance.”

The moment I think of that is the moment I think of Tsuzune. ...that poor woman.

With all her faith towards her deity, after her left ended, she should have been able to go onto a better life in the world beyond, surrounded by the love of the God she worshipped.

Instead, here she is in this world. Her God told to her unable to heed her. Unable to be granted into the realm of Heaven and to be reunited with the children she tried to protect in her life. Even stripped of her human form. Only to be told to play this game wherein she’s to battle creatures for the sake of an unseen deity with no gain other than her continued existence in this world that could torture her?!

I can only imagine crueler fates.

As I think of the multiple instances of people whispering about the problems she’s caused for them, and the things she’s done they’ve approved of, I can easily forgive them. Under the knowledge of such an unchangeable and unfair fate, it’s clear as day to see how anyone can lose grips of sanity.

I think of everyone in this town that I can recall.

Suikage Tsuzune... Tsukihara Sayo.

Bey Noveri.

Beatrix. Komali. Johnathon. Travis. Lionel. Sirocco. Shiravella. Valinea. Ymir.

Even Yuikeida Reiko...

I look at what they are. And I remember what they used to be.

That at one point in their lives they may have all been human beings...

And I look at them.

And I can feel nothing but pity for all of them being stuck in this world.

Only to fight this being that no one knows a thing about to save this unfair world.

If this is the way of this world that Pathos Cardia wishes deleted then....

Then maybe....

.....just perhaps...

[ An Angel's Thesis ] TruthfullySpeaking