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Sayo Tsukihara

Sayo Tsukihara

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PostSubject: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime1/31/2014, 2:52 am

Phew.


This thing. I haven't written in one of these in ages. Last time was when I swore back in middle school. To make note of all the good things that happened to me. Its a shame I gave up halfway.. all I ever did was update in full over a course of months-- a year.. Eh. 

This place isn't too bad. If I'd found this earlier I would have started writing in it non-stop but its a god-send either way-- I might be able to talk to myself through this without looking like an idiot in front of everyone else. Let's start with all the interesting things that had happened while I was here. Well...

1. Woke up naked in the dirt. Am a cat thing now.
2. Some deer thing tried to get too friendly with me. 
<he's not that bad tho.. I mean.. I really should have given him a better chance-- we have to work together as a team and all and-- gah.. how do I do this even while I'm writing stuff down?!>
3.Vali-san is a cool knight guy. On the first day a fight almost broke out and the deer Ymir-san got shot several times.. I think by Reiko-san.
4.Komali-chan is a cat thing like me. She was actually a cat when she was alive too apparently.... <adbaksdnadasbafkfasf -Incomprehensible Japanese text-> That Illium person.. a cat would be fine too? Technically we're all animals but not even of the same breed! omgwtf.
4. 5. Shit, this happened before the previous number. Fuck. Well Ymir-san made me clothes after Reiko-san made weird looks at me. Shizue-senpai seemed a little bothered too... that was sure scary.. I don't even know why.
6. I lost in battle. Maybe its because I couldn't get a gun. If only I hadn't slept so long I could have been out getting better equipment. Woke up in-- [Incomprehensible letters intensify]

-End first log-
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Sayo Tsukihara

Sayo Tsukihara

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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime2/5/2014, 10:31 pm

A lot of stuff has happened recently...


Met more members of the camp. Lee, Larisa, Lionel, Illium.. Its been pretty active the times I find myself waking up. I got a rifle /finally/ and though I originally wanted some pistols I figured it'd be best to spread our arsenal around a bit....

We've all been busy around the watchtower in preparation for that invasion-- I'm alive and writing all this down so this means we won somehow but I managed to sleep though it all without a scratch. It was terrifying what would have actually happened if we did not try to settle that little incident between Reiko, Shizue, and Rou. <Seriously that girl has issues>. Though I don't agree with what they ended it on-- it seems the issue had cooled down while I was winking away in my tent.

...whew. I actually wanted to write a little more but I'm feeling a little disturbed. I don't know if we're even allowed to have dreams-- maybe I'm not the only one having them. A strange  voice whispered with what felt like inches close: Dont Remember?
Sure my past was shit. It doesn't take a genius to figure out I hated it as much as everyone else hated theirs-- thats why they are here. Dead like me.

Why would I have to remind myself?


Shit. My head fucking hurts. Maybe going out with the others later, gathering might make me feel better. Or cooking... I hope they'll let me use some materials if I ask..

-END journal log-
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Sayo Tsukihara

Sayo Tsukihara

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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime2/12/2014, 12:47 am

Huh.

<He's an idiot. A big fucking idiot.>

That is all.
I'm heading to bed.



-END journal log-
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Sayo Tsukihara

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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime2/22/2014, 9:53 pm

Heh.

It has been a lot of fun recently in camp. Especially that day when the bath house opened up-- Komali-chan and I had some nice bonding time. Though I sort of regret just kicking Reiko-san into the bath like that, she didn't die so... I'm still not sorry~ Its been ages since I've last went out of camp to like gather or whatever... Komali-chan didn't even mention of what she thought about the jerky.. Guess it wasn't all that good or maybe its just that animals could just eat for the sake of eating.

On the topic on Lionel though. Trace did a number on him so he'll be more likely to act properly. The whole three-way charade will not be needed any further but perhaps I could have scared him off a little too hard. Led to that damned deer almost blasting me dead, thankfully Shizue-senpai came to my rescue. I vaguely remember being carried into bed then but at the same time I didn't feel like was asleep at all when I knew I was.. its kind of hard to explain and even I can't figure it out...

Rou-san's finally turning around though I still kind of look down on her for being in such a twisted relationship and categorizing that as 'love'. Pfft. If we actually stayed dead I swear to god that Shizue-senpai would be long gone by now. Of course that cow is nothing subtle and Reiko-san might just kill her too.. It'll be so tragic if that happened to be the case.Anyhow, we kicked her shadow to the curb and its just damage control for her now.. I just wish her and that damned deer would stop interfering and try to actually read the situation instead of doing whatever the hell they want... they don't know whats best for Saber-chan. They might not understand me but I think I'm doing something right here...

I want to see Trace again. Mysterious characters are always the hardest to nab~ Maybe I'll unlock some sort of perk if I'm successful...hehehe.. Trace~ <3

-END journal log-

_________________
"I'm not sorry~"
<Lesser Titan>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Follower: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Tech Damage + 10%
<Bar>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 10%
Follower: Max Damage +10%, PRC + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 25%
<Lesser Archon>
Leader: Magic +5, MP +3
Follower: Magic +3, MP+ 3
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Sayo Tsukihara

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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime2/22/2014, 10:03 pm

I'm not feeling ill or anything, baka!

Hmph. I've been having really weird dreams lately. None of them make sense and I can remember small glimpses of what's actually happening... But just in case my last will and testament shall be made here. But since I don't really own anything besides the clothes off my back, <That the damned deer made.. I wish someone else where around to make more underwear at least!> my glasses, and my scarf.. well.. I'll get to that later.

I just have a really /really/ big hunch that I'll be out like a light for god knows how long. During our last gather I can't even remember getting back to camp.. I feel fucking terrible for that. But it can't be helped and I'm not writing any apologies for any of you--! Anyone who has been reading my journal somehow and taking peeks, FUCK YOU. If I ever I find out who's been lurking though my pages I'll fucking murder em'. I don't give a damn about Trace or the grave shocks, or... I'm just totally rambling now.. but I'm serious. Okay, I'll give you one last chance you fucker. Put down this book right now and leave forever or by the time I come back.. Oh I don't know how I'll pull it off but I'LL JUST KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Ah, I'll just ask Trace to deliver some justice for me instead~

Shit.. my head's all weird. I gotta make this fast.

Lionel. I'm counting on you. I don't know how long I'll be out but I'm trusting my precious thing to you in hopes for your success. By the time I'm back I hope you would have ridden the train through the valley<GET IT CAUSE. VALI.. V- asbfkansfsaasfll>

.... Even if you end up hating it, that'll be okay.. if I don't disappear outright I hope even you just remember me when I wake up. I better just do it already before it's too late.. <PUT DOWN THE PEN SAYO. BAKABAKABAKA...>

-END journal log-

_________________
"I'm not sorry~"
<Lesser Titan>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Follower: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Tech Damage + 10%
<Bar>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 10%
Follower: Max Damage +10%, PRC + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 25%
<Lesser Archon>
Leader: Magic +5, MP +3
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Sayo Tsukihara

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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime5/11/2014, 2:10 am

Well I'm back.

Not that it really matters.. Not that I'm really contributing anything... Camp life goes on without me here and it would have even if I had not happened to come to this place. They've built houses and planted a big tree while I was gone, the abundance of more people makes the place feel a lot more lively. I'm.. excited. Relieved even. But why.. I just don't get it. Writing in my journal just brings up more questions than answers-- And I've stayed awake long enough to drift on and off into consciousness.. In a way I've learned how to effectively sleep walk without bothering anyone. Heh.

I don't want to sleep. I can't sleep. 


Not alone.

It doesn't help that Lionel gave me a place all on my own. I'm grateful, really and glad that he's gotten far but he can still be as dense as before. But I need someone with me. I don't care who. I just need to know someone else is out there. 

_________________
"I'm not sorry~"
<Lesser Titan>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Follower: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Tech Damage + 10%
<Bar>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 10%
Follower: Max Damage +10%, PRC + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 25%
<Lesser Archon>
Leader: Magic +5, MP +3
Follower: Magic +3, MP+ 3
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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime5/18/2014, 2:02 am

...I'm lying awake in Ojou-sama's room as I write this.. my dreams have settled down-- even more so comparing to the one night I had stayed at the Shrine Maiden's temple. I'll have to say my thanks when I see her again, I did say it was just to try out at first so I don't think she'll be too upset. How do I say it.. it's just different. There seems to be a certain boundary between Miko-san and I that I can't figure out, my dreams are more palatable but nightmares still.. 

Thanks to that I could paint a clearer picture, of that better vision that had accompanied my sleep. First it was only a shadow, I could feel the warming air of the battlefield overhead-- a restrained excitement in his eyes. Just by looking at him I felt invigorated in the same manner, courage was swelling up in my chest to the point that I was afraid I would just burst. It was hard to figure out for sure but the silhouette was of a knight. His darkened figure contrasted over the sunrise he was standing over. 


On that hillside.. just what was he looking out to?


I've got a lot of things to think over... but I'm sure now what I must do, and I must do it soon.. Lady Beatrix has quickly made me develop a soft spot for her-- her archetype was totally nothing new but.. still I felt that I needed to do what I did. I look forward to hearing more of her stories.. I want to be her friend.. and I want to be needed.

_________________
"I'm not sorry~"
<Lesser Titan>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Follower: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Tech Damage + 10%
<Bar>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 10%
Follower: Max Damage +10%, PRC + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 25%
<Lesser Archon>
Leader: Magic +5, MP +3
Follower: Magic +3, MP+ 3


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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime5/25/2014, 2:47 am

My god, its been over 12 hours already?!

Sheesh. Its never took this long to get all those side quests out of the way on the computer-- kinda pissing me off to be honest, I think I should take a break. Well I technically am since I'm writing this all down in the journal, idiot. Don't call me an idiot, you're an idiot! 

Exactly. :"3c

Damn it. :/

Sigh. Well, things have been turning around a little-- I've finally taken my hand to crafting and well.. other things. Lionel, you're going to do great, I just know it. I'd totally like to make it to their eventual wedding but I seriously don't have anything but these shitty clothes to wear. I really want a new look to be honest, its beginning to feel rather stale which is weird cause I normally just don't give a damn about how I look.... Hopefully he can do me a solid and name their kid after me or something-- PFFT. <What the hell Sayo, that's totally going against what you told him--! Dummy!> 

I have to make it up to the princess. It must be awkward for her, using her like that. I feel sort of guilty, but in a way I'm not. Thankful, more than anything.... Also.. that damned deer. I thought he was gone for good but alas, I guess I'll have to make dues with him-- he said it himself after all so.. who am I to stop him?

I hope he likes the character I made him...

_________________
"I'm not sorry~"
<Lesser Titan>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Follower: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Tech Damage + 10%
<Bar>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 10%
Follower: Max Damage +10%, PRC + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 25%
<Lesser Archon>
Leader: Magic +5, MP +3
Follower: Magic +3, MP+ 3


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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime6/5/2014, 12:15 pm

The meditation. It's not working... It's not helping.. 

It's hasn't been working. Over the past few days I've met some new people. Travis being one of the more important characters of the bunch. He's an alchemist. I heard from Lionel the other day that I should get some help from him to get rid of my sleeping problems, well at least help reduce them. Well yeah, I met him the other day and he suggested I do so with no success on my part. I found him the next day and I had him run me through it-- lucid dreaming. I've read some articles online about some seriously scary shit with that. Losing connection with your own body being lost in the astral plane and never waking up. I would definitely not want that to happen so I was hesitant at best when he told me to try it. 

But hey it... kind of worked?


I was scared to be honest of what would happen. Being the dreams, as horrific as they were.. I didn't exactly want to jump straight into one just to try  to control it. God knows what could happen in there... my pen feels shaky just from thinking about it.. [Some random scribble marks as if the ink was running out]

Travis was there and he tried to pull me back from my nightmares, his touch.. it wasn't in that romantic sense but I felt like I was safe just by him, heck someone being there. It was like I was on top of a skyscraper, that is.. when my dreams started to turn for better. I was watching a child cross the street with her mother. She was small, cute.. looked no more than 5 years old but she was running around rather happily until she had accidentally let go of the red balloon she had been holding onto. She reached out for it, even jumped on her little bitty toes but her mother pulled her as the cross light turns... with futility she looked up at it rising up above. Interestingly enough it reached high enough to a point from my skyscraper view to grab it myself. I couldn't. I felt my hands move physically but I couldn't grab it. And suddenly I felt just as sad as that little girl.

His touch disappeared. My connection was gone. I think that was why it turned for worse. The pain resurfaced in my chest-- like I'd been beaten raw from the inside with a bat. I didn't feel like I was in my own body anymore-- still stuck in that skyscraper view. I could not see my body but in the real world there was a needle like sensation sticking on my skin.. uncomfortable, feverish.. I just can't explain it. Last thing I remember is Travis waking me back up. I caught a glimpse of something that could have been related to him. A vial. A tragic feeling. Like a bitter ending to a drama... 

I didn't intrude anymore into it. There are some lines I just won't cross at the wrong time. Even I'm not stupid enough to do that. Beyond Travis I'd also come to talk to Sirocco. I overheard him singing by the lake and with his own little thing called the Aurora of Truth. It was strange for someone with a back story of his to make that song-- what was with that title-- he definitely had no talent for naming things... or cooking.. He showed it to me and I was right. Some dark undertones you got there. But in the end I kind of convinced him to make more songs in the face of a happier life in camp... as he should have been doing. Oh and I forgave him. I thought that would help.

Bey is a little cutie. She looks a little older than the princess but I'd sure like to get to know her a little better. A nice looking fox girl I finally got to officially meet at the lake. Then there was.... that angel. Just thinking about him.. makes my blood fucking boil. He had the nerve to say all that "everything is pointless" shit on me. He just doesn't get it. Don't pity them. If anything don't pity me. I don't need your shitty sympathy. You can be as unhappy as you want but don't drag us along with you, you shitty angel.

...Ymir though.. he had the decency of trying to cheer me up. You need a hug? Hahaha, what a weird fellow. First tries to kill me then tries to be all friendly. I don't dislike him~ When I see him again we have to try watching some Monty Python at least.. If it's even possible.. ah and there was a little package in the front of my door. I think it was my request to the maid.. new clothes. I still haven't checked it out and it's just sitting in the corner but I think I'll catch some more sleep with the princess.. she hasn't woken up in a while.. I miss her.

_________________
"I'm not sorry~"
<Lesser Titan>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Follower: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Tech Damage + 10%
<Bar>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 10%
Follower: Max Damage +10%, PRC + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 25%
<Lesser Archon>
Leader: Magic +5, MP +3
Follower: Magic +3, MP+ 3


Last edited by Sayo Tsukihara on 7/1/2014, 4:37 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime6/16/2014, 2:19 am

Sayo was looking frustrated as she went through some of her past journal entries. Taking her pen, she begins to write.


Okay.. Just what the hell is going on. Blanks. I'm drawing up blanks in my head..as if I wasn't already messed up enough. When can I catch a fucking break. Okay, first I remember looking around to get someone to live with me or to bunk with in the room Lionel gave me-- then all of a sudden I'm living in a great big mansion all by myself?! Just what is this. I'd like to know. Putting one and two together... and those beds.. I can sort of remember hauling mine up there but-- who owned the other one? I don't think I ever requested anyone to build me a house this big, I don't have any reason for living in such a big fucking place at all! ... It was always crowded.. among what little belongings I had... a house shared by three people. Sometimes by two.. if I had to stay a little for observation in the hospital.. It feels uncomfortable. Just being alone inside of it feels odd. I have to ask around for information about it. Sometime after this next boss comes around-- I was around during the voyage to actually get off the ship.. not that I did anything but.. it was an experience to say the least... don't think I'll be needed during the boss battle but I'll be around just in case..



Sayo's writing starts to loosen up and starts doodling a face very crudely and sketchily. 


I might as well write about my dreams as of late. I've been sleeping longer days for the bits that was missing-- I only recall sleeping. Along with the usual recurring nightmares there was a pleasant (and I'd like to use pleasant with utmost caution) surprise within one recycle of the familiar scene. I was just about to cross the walk way when an aberration appeared into my dreams. A red circle formed on the shortest building-- I took great attention as it came forth with strange insignia and runic symbols. A figure stepped out, feet first.. it was nothing I could identify but it appeared to be a standing shadow. I did not feel it's presence that at first I did not deem as immediately dangerous, but when the cloak that actually disguised it's true form came down a great sense of panic rose into my chest. I wanted out. I wanted nothing more than to flee for my own safety. But it was just a child-- oh how I was so wrong.. for it turned it's head to me.. the little girl with dark cherry hair and piercing red eyes looked at me as if she'd read my thoughts. How terribly pale she was, and for the longest agonizing length of time my dream had been delayed until her entrance to my realm of sleep faded behind her. 


Creeping humanoid forms rose on the concrete like a horrid smoke belched by the cars in the street that ran by faster than eyes could catch, the ghoulish beings which would later be mangled and bloodied as my dreams always dictate . The girl's eyes did not turn from mine as I stood their anxiously waiting for her to make her move, feeling a standstill of sweat just inching from the sides of my cheek. I blinked and then the girl had no longer been standing on the building. She was across me. To the other side of the street I could not cross, or progress from. But her-- I cannot fathom how, but she closed the distance between us. I could tell then that she was an anomaly. Perhaps like that angel, she did not belong here. And yet she made her way towards me and stood a few feet from the center. The ghouls started to converge to her, which was strange-- did they find her being here a threat somehow? My heart continued to race at a thousand miles an hour from this new development.. but I was more terrified than I had ever been. At her sides I could see her hands emerging from the darkness of her shadowy cloak, and from nowhere she had conjured two weapons. They appeared to be katanas, one much much longer than the other.


I gulped and my fingers increasingly became jittery.


What did she intend to do? The corpses started to melt away, just like they always do... making their way to the girl who was unfazed by the rush of traffic that did not graze her person-- her body appearing to flicker in my eyes. And in one flash I heard the sound of her sword returning in it's sheath.. a drizzle of what appeared to be blood washed in front of her feet. I hadn't even caught it's movement.. or her movement. Their heads.. they just exploded into mush.. following their limbs which added more to the putrid stench of rotting flesh that they gave off.


I had to say something.. but my mouth couldn't form words. It is as if a physical barrier was preventing words from coming out-- I almost felt like I was choking. But I had to try.


"W-W-Who.. are you?" I managed to blurt out exhausting all the oxygen in my lungs in the process. She gave off a small toothy grin, as if she was amused with my conscious struggle to talk... her voice matched with what she appeared to be-- she made a gesture and the cloak was pushed out of the way with a sweeping motion.. it appeared to have blended with the scenery behind her, yet that revealed her attire of Gothic Lolita-- which briefly reminded me of Routier.. with the exception of this girl being the complete opposite body type. Petite, dainty, delicate looking.. her skin was as pale as alabaster. The dread had left abruptly but there was a strange sense of allurement as I gazed on her simple form. 


"Quit ogling me with those eyes of yours you furry... cat thing." That sort of hurt. I know exactly what she meant by saying that-- in fact I could tell exactly what kind of person this was.. just from that initial reaction. But instead of arguing I held my tongue, not wanting to end up like those stains on the ground. I don't want know if I can experience physical harm in my dreams and I don't want to find out. 


"Now tell me you..in few words... where am I?" What was that, she didn't know? Don't tell me she actually ended up here by accident--!!
I was unable to coherently form words for the first few seconds but somehow I'd managed to let out an answer. 

"You're in my dreams.. well.. nightmares to be exact." She raises her eyebrows at this, looking at me with disbelief. 


"Is that so? I see." The girl said, looking thoughtful for moment and looked to the side. She began to turn around, as if she was preparing to get up and leave but in that next instant she was right in my face.. her eyes staring straight into mine as if she was permeating her oppressive influence right into my very soul. I wanted to faint. I wanted to just wake the hell up already! But she moved her hands and caressed the sides of my face, locking my gaze with hers so I couldn't look away. The little girl appeared curious, ravenous.. I could hardly believe much a malevolence could be displayed by child.. but that was a lie.. she was no child. I could have told myself that from the beginning... it was just something I wanted to believe. She was excavating me. My mind was being combed over with a fine toothed brush.. you could say it's swift karma for what I did with Travis and Shira.. they did not seem to notice my invasion of their memories but.. this girl.. she was seeing me inside and out. I felt violated on a whole nother' level. 


"My my.. that's quite the interesting story you have there.. but it seems like you're stuck in a rut~" She giggled, it almost felt wrong to think that it was cute.. for a split second though she did look like something human. "As much as I'd like to help... well, actually it just felt appropriate to start it off like that. I don't care.. and spoiling the ending for you could be so much fun~ ...but I won't do that. As much as I don't care.. I'm feeling somewhat generous~ You should be glad." Just what did she want with me? Did she want to bully me for no reason whatsoever? 


"What do you mean ending?" I asked. She stepped away from me and relinquished her hold onto my face, starting to circle me like a shark would around potential prey. 


"Oh, don't play dumb Sayo Tsukihara. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You break the fourth wall from time to time don't you?" She laughed. I did not deny that.


"This game you're playing.. Oh, I've skipped over some details but I get the gist of it all... pretty sad life you have there~ I don't feel bad for you at all though, you wouldn't want me to anyways-- right?" She continued to smile at my growing frustration.. it was strange to be read like a book so suddenly-- just who is this girl?


"... You better get that struggle of yours settled before it's too late~ You'll miss the flags for the good ending if you laze around too much!" Just what was her aim.. I couldn't understand.. I sort of feel like I'm outside looking in this time.


"Hmm.. the higher ups sure have this place kept uptight.. still, I was able to make a bridge way in but it can't be avoided.. and my magic's been all messed up so it might take me a while to make another way outta here.." Now she just seems to be rambling to herself.. she's still casually circling me. "This Trace of yours might be worth talking to though.." The girl catches my thoughts, aiming a sneer in my direction as she lets loose a wave of power from her person. Yikes... whoever she is.. she might actually be scarier than anyone I've seen in the game so far. Heck, I felt like she could break the game if it was in her interest to. 


"Are you the one..? Was it you who was missing in my memories?" I asked, taking a stab in the dark. The girl just shakes her head dismissively at me as she circles for the nth time.


"Nope. It's best you forget about that and ignore it. I probably could tell you but then I'd be poking my nose into someone else's business. I'd be involved and I have no plans to get caught up in your shit, Sayo Tsukihara." She says this while wagging a finger at me. But you just read my mind!


"..Yes.. and be grateful I did nothing more than that, Sayo Tsukihara." She stopped and bemusedly aimed a look at me. The girl starts to walk away from me and back into the hectic traffic she blended seamlessly into. Somehow I found myself calling out at the mysterious girl.


"..So that's it? You're just going to leave?"


"Yup. We won't see each other again. It's almost impossible~ Bridge ways are weird like that."


"..At least tell me your name!"


The girl stops right before a speeding bus.


"Call me Exe. ..and if ever we're unfortunate enough to cross paths again--"


The bus passed over her figure and then she was gone. And with her disappearance I had woken up... right in the nick of time for that voyage... I think that's enough for now.. my wrist hurts. [The period seems to trail off to the side of the page]

_________________
"I'm not sorry~"
<Lesser Titan>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Follower: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Tech Damage + 10%
<Bar>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 10%
Follower: Max Damage +10%, PRC + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 25%
<Lesser Archon>
Leader: Magic +5, MP +3
Follower: Magic +3, MP+ 3
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Sayo Tsukihara

Sayo Tsukihara

Posts : 93
Contribution Skill : 6310
Join date : 2014-01-22

Status Page
HP:
Sayo's Journal Left_bar_bleue144/144Sayo's Journal Empty_bar_bleue  (144/144)
MP:
Sayo's Journal Left_bar_bleue56/56Sayo's Journal Empty_bar_bleue  (56/56)
Stamina:
Sayo's Journal Left_bar_bleue210/210Sayo's Journal Empty_bar_bleue  (210/210)

Sayo's Journal Empty
PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime7/2/2014, 12:07 am

It's ironic how the last journal entry has blanks now too. Is it the sleep? Just what's causing me to forget? I know I'm missing something. I can't tell what it is. There's no way of possibly knowing.. just as Exe said. It is better if I didn't know. Perhaps it's for my own good. But I know simply because I am too well aware of loss to not notice it at all. Meh. There's no point in being overly sentimental about it. Thinking about the loss this time, why it just makes me feel like a petty human being. 

No. That isn't right. I'm not a human being. I'm a cat person.. thing. A petty thing. That is the existence of Sayo Tsukihara. [Scribble marks made out of frustration which slightly pass over her name]. My sleep's still been terrible. I haven't seen the doc in a while and I /really/ think I'm well overdue for another check up, a second opinion.. in fact I've started sleeping on the roof not too long ago. I hate to be in that room. It's too large, too empty, too much space for me.

Routier.. I've started to learn a little more about her. She's one hell of a kisser, that's for sure. Poor Reiko, poor Shizue.. they have my respect. So much you can learn from someone when they're drunk. I don't even think she remembers anything at all. Not that it matters... What else... Oh. She's an idol, parent neglect, starves for attention-- doesn't like it being stolen from her.. which is a shame cause my transformations are hella fabulous. Well.. I think that's all for now... guess I'll.. just stay here on the roof..

_________________
"I'm not sorry~"
<Lesser Titan>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Follower: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Tech Damage + 10%
<Bar>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 10%
Follower: Max Damage +10%, PRC + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 25%
<Lesser Archon>
Leader: Magic +5, MP +3
Follower: Magic +3, MP+ 3
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Sayo Tsukihara

Sayo Tsukihara

Posts : 93
Contribution Skill : 6310
Join date : 2014-01-22

Status Page
HP:
Sayo's Journal Left_bar_bleue144/144Sayo's Journal Empty_bar_bleue  (144/144)
MP:
Sayo's Journal Left_bar_bleue56/56Sayo's Journal Empty_bar_bleue  (56/56)
Stamina:
Sayo's Journal Left_bar_bleue210/210Sayo's Journal Empty_bar_bleue  (210/210)

Sayo's Journal Empty
PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime7/10/2014, 7:04 pm

I've been lazing about the camp for a while now. Well.. not necessarily just lying around being useless.. nothing's been going on recently. Though I think it was about a week ago I hung out with Lionel for a good while. Not only is he good at racing flying brooms but he can ride a mean go-kart if he needs too~ I think I'm just done offering help... with him at least. He told me about the whole marriage thing with Vali-san and I brilliantly remembered the loophole that was within the confines of the religion my parents were involved in, including me as well.. I suppose.

I think I could have wed them. It could have worked. It could have been fun. Then again, Lionel and her would have questioned and found it strange a woman was ever granted that right in a Christian religion. [Scribble marks] It was worth a try. And if it means he found a better way and with the traditional method he wanted, good for him. Good for you, Lionel. Though with that in mind.. it makes me think back to that time. A long time after I'd gotten sick and a much much longer time after I've lost my parents, I decided to dig up some knowledge on just what being a Jehovah's witness was about. And let me tell you, you-- whoever may be reading this.. I don't even care anymore.. that being involved with those people was the worst decision they ever made. 


Along with being part of that sect comes a plethora of unpleasant things. I was young when it began, even before I had gotten into stretchy lengths of time of being sickly and bedridden. For a time they were happy with what they had preached, gladly fulfilling their quota of door to door invitations to hear about their Lord and Savior. I had no birthdays. I could not celebrate any sort of holiday that has no involvement with the sect or associate with certain people.... though there was this one little secret I kept. 

None of my friends knew. 

And my parents knew nothing about the friends that I had... they always thought I had no friends at all since the religion itself wasn't exactly looked at with open enthusiasm. My friends didn't abandon me. I abandoned them. I couldn't tell them. I couldn't tell my parents. I couldn't afford to upset them. After all they have been through for me.. I just couldn't. Obviously they were upset when I came back, those that were still there ignored me..and I could only blame myself for it...

I need a walk. 

_________________
"I'm not sorry~"
<Lesser Titan>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Follower: Max Damage + 10%
GUL + 10
Tech Damage + 10%
<Bar>
Leader: Max Damage + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 10%
Follower: Max Damage +10%, PRC + 10%, Guard Efficiency + 25%
<Lesser Archon>
Leader: Magic +5, MP +3
Follower: Magic +3, MP+ 3
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PostSubject: Re: Sayo's Journal   Sayo's Journal Icon_minitime

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